“For the last 20 years of my life, I’ve been wearing something unrecognizable. I’ve been acting for 20 years now and I’ve been under the radar.”- Doug Jones
*Mom hands me phone to answer*
Me: Hello?
Telemarketer: Hello, is your mother home?
Me: I have no mother.
Her: Well can I speak to your father?
Me: Yeah, which one?
Her: Which one is home?
Me: Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.
Her: Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?
Me: No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.
Her: So who's Antonio?
Me: I just told you, Carlos's ex.
Her: So Carlos was cheating?
Me: Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.
Her: So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?
Me: No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.
Her: So Mark wasn't cheating?
Me: I never said that.
Her: Yes, yes you did!
Me: No I didn't.
Her: Y-yes! You did!
Me: Did what?
Her: Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.
my cat has been staring at this gopher for like 10 minutes I think he’s waiting to kill him until he finishes digging how polite
he’s letting him dig his own grave
…oh
Meet Grady, a four year old corgi and my fuzziest friend. He also has earned the title of “hero”. Let me tell you the story:
This afternoon, 3:45, I saw a bottle sitting just inside of the fence. Naturally, I headed to pick it up because I live in a woods and littering can kill the animals.
Grady flipped. He started barking and howling and herded me away from that bottle as fast as his stumps let him. I didn’t understand what all the fuss was about, but I let him herd me away because he doesn’t act like this so often. To prove he was just being paranoid to him, I threw a rock at the bottle.
It blew up, scaring me to death. It turns out that the bottle was a Drano bottle bomb, and it could easily have hurt me or killed the corgi. I didn’t take any pictures, and I’m sure the plastic shreds aren’t enough evidence, but this dog is a hero to me. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and remember that corgis, not diamonds, are a girl’s best friend.
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